Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
