You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
