My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
