remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
