I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
