Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize