Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
