I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
