i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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