i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
