You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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