We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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