They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
