Buhtt sex?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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