At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
