I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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