dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
