Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
