did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
These tits shall not be calmed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
