This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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