Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
