Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
