well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
