I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
