Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
