A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
