He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
