took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
