oh god the rape fog is back!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
