So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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