I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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