if i can run in heels then i can drive
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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