I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
