I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
