No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
