My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize