I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
