been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
