She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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