She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bring me that man meat
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
