Someone shit on the floor
Your dad touched me again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
