if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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