I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
