well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
