I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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