this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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