You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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