So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My nipple is on Facebook.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
