Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
