I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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