One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
