Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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