Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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