I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize