Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
