Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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