i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
