he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
