But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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