For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
