I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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