I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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