I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
