Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
