I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
