Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
