The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
