there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
