I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
