dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
