Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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